Personal Bubble

the year of 2009 for me

2010-01-02T22:08:00.005+10:00

Hear it goes again. Another eyar has passed. 2009 was one of the most eventful year I had.

It is the first year of which I was not longer a student in Australia. I began the year still in Hong Kong with Karen and Phoebe. I left for Malaysia and spent 2 weeks there catching up with what limited time I had. It was great to kindle with old flames of the old past eh, jo, joa, cheehung, ruen, may and many more adulteries. I tasted freedom and the world was my oyster. Anything was possible. I'll be back to Australia and I will get my PR and job. Aus immigration decided, "Nah, will make it much harder, rather than 6 months wait, we'll make them wait for 2 years"

I came back to most relatives that were still here. Looking for a job was not in priority thinking it would be easy as pea. I was offered a job by my supervisors but do not know when it will begin. Soon enough, the job seems to be not guaranteed. By this time, cousin Jon was over to Brisbane for a holiday. I play tour guide and navigator. It was good to finally get to know more of my cousins. 2 weeks later, I still had no news. Bank account was near empty. No part time jobs wants me no matter how many I handed out. I had no income. I scavenge any money of any currency I have to try to survive. Plan B was to get a part time job in city, an hour public transport away. Finally, a company contacted me for phamplet handling near in Beenleigh. Never have i been so estatic. pay was... 50-100 a week depending on the amount of delivery available. Work was 2 whole days a week (not including another 2 days of phamplets folding) and needed a car. Fuel was 40-50 a week since the load was heavy and requires a lot of fuel. it was.. labour job. mindless: not requiring 1st class Honours. more than one month down, I was feeling rather depressed, no savings was possible: all money was spent on tranportation and to classes in uni to apply for jobs. I had no money to buy Daniel a graduation present, yet I believe he should have the basics of flowers, a grad toy and a card. I still can't believe I spent less than 10 dollars and made it all mostly from scraps I dug around. I met his father, aunt and grandfather during his graduation, ended a friendship with Kathy and argued with his Brother. Then had lunch with his dad on a one to one and told him the stories of his boys life and experience with him. There was no biase or name calling. Just the truth of what happened and how I have come to no talk to the other brother.

In April, things were more uplifting. I had another casual job with my supervisor doing Laboratory technician of cleaning laboratory and rodent cages. Pay was very good with near $30 an hour. But work was once a week and time spent travelling was longer than working itself. uncertainty clouded my mind all the time. With no PR, it was difficult to get a job anywhere else, I was desperate. I want to stay. It was difficult times trying to hold the face straight in front of relative and forever wondering how am I going to do this by myself. I want to do it myself by all possible means. Finally, it was confirmed, April 20 would be the first day of being a full time hired Research Assistant with my current company. However, pay would not come till 3 weeks later since I began in their mid pay term of fortnightly. with less than 200 in the account, I manage to tough it out for 3 weeks before more money I have ever earned before arrived in a lum sum. it was a different freedom; a freedom from financial worries. I still remember the wash of relieve i felt. As a reward, I got myself a guess handbag for $300 and heath insurance.

Daniel's birthday was in the middle of June. To make it special for him, Dan Tang and I made plans. In short, his birthday was celebrated over 3 weekends, from just me, friends and my family. Lucky and expensive boy.

Plans. I was begining to have bigger plans. I want my own car. More Savings commence. My sister's laptop died on me. the screen totally blank out blue while before the dead pixels were just accumulating but I was still able to see past them. Come to think now, It was ridiculous trying read past them. But I didnt think I need another one. With it's departure, I got my first laptop on my own in early july for 800 dollars.

My priority was still a car. I researched for credit card and applied for one in case i need a loan (i couldnt apply for loan since I have no visa). Then intense research began when I reach 9k in my account. I can't believe I actually accumulated that much. late august, I was actively hunting for my second hand car. My initial 5k mark had to be raised as I want a better car at a good age. It was difficult running around Brisbane looking for that one car and always seems to be one step behind everyone. When finally, I found the Aztec Gold 2000 Toyota Corolla at Cleveland offered at 9k with full log book. I risked it without having it for test drive (the husband only had 30mins lunch time left) and offered her 7.5k after listening to the engine run on stationary position. We agreed on 8k and the car was whisked to a mechanic for road worthy check and certificate while I hurry to withdraw 8k cash. AUD8000 in cash! they only had it in 50s and I was holding the wad of cash... we waited for about 1-2 hrs at the transport department and closing time was soon on a Friday. The car came with new front tyres and break pads. I went in with the forms while they clean out the cars. And finally the car was mine and the wad of cash dissapeared. Then I obtained freedom of going places.

Then I figured I should decide what I want to do next year, by then i was too late to apply to any colleges by UQ dentistry. I paid and went for the exams of UMAT and ISAT with fingers crossed.

Late September, out of the blue, I decided I will go to Melbourne after a hectic time at work. I took 2 days off and flew to Melbourne with Daniel. Sim and Raymond was a real great host.Weather was terrible with rain everyday but we still had a lot of fun. Fairy penguins, great food and company. I came back straight to work on Monday. I received my results with UMAT 50% among local students and 77% among foreign students. Sent in my dentistry application for one of the 10 international spots and hope very hard.

Months blurred one after another with many birthdays, celebrations and work. I wrote a sorry card. And finally got my 3 wisdoms teeth out in Late november. Ruen arrived early December with boyfriend. Became tour guide for 2 weekends. and finally sent Uncle John and Aunt Soos off to Malaysia. More work. Independence living; freedom. And then it was my turn to travel to Perth with Daniel for 7 days. We spent xmas there and on NYE we flew and slept through countdown.

2009 was emotional as well as eventful. I grew alot here. I thank UJ AS for the roof over my head, SKC and TKC for being great sisters even though I was a jerk, dad for caring, friends for their ears, Daniel for his patience and the unconditional love even though I have hurt him numerous times. I have grown to be more patient and tries to understand, and less tempremental maybe. I hope we can grown together and shape our characters for the better.

A little lost maybe?

2009-07-15T21:53:00.002+10:00

It's almost 3 months into work. I had ample time to get used to this lifestyle. But... I'm not. Ha! There's something missing for some reason. I'm missing something. Passion. But I love science. I love doing those weird experiments. I love playing with the subjects. I also (actually) thank them for being such a dear and let us do it. But... there's still something missing. I'm lost. I don't know what I want anymore. Sigh.

But the Australian Defense Forsce scholarship for undergrad study sure is interesting. I get to study another degree while part time working with them. Means, I'm earning and traveeling while studying. Heck, why am I not a skippy?

My first Laptop

2009-07-15T21:24:00.003+10:00

The screen laptop that i used to use died on me one day. SO my plans for getting a car was suddenly changed into "I need a laptop'. Hence, 2 weeks ago, I got myself a laptop. This is the first time I actually got commited to buy something expensive. After much research, I decided I do not need anything fancy. I just need someting that works fast because I'm not an impatient person. ALso, it would not cost a lot so my savings for the car-to-be is still going on.

Lenovo, which was previously known as IBM, has a range of budget laptops. Initially i was apprehensive on the name which was linked to China, but I trust IBM and it was within budget. Slip slop slap and next thing I know, I was driving up the city to pick it up. It.s pretty good for a $826 laptop. It's got 3 G RAM, 2.16GHz processor, webcam, 250G HDD. I couldn't find anything of anybrand that's giving that price. I'm content. Not happy cos stupid Daniel had to show me an Acer laptop went on sale a week after my purchase for $899 with 4 G RAM, Intel Core 2 dual processor, about the same HDD but with much better graphics. Bleh. Screw it. I'm happy with my purchase.

over eating again

2009-06-14T22:44:00.000+10:00

Bahhh been overeating for the past many weeks. too much good food!!

Spontaneous things

2009-05-17T09:52:00.002+10:00

A colleague of mine is getting married the next weekend. She was having a bridal glow and didn't seem to stress very much. Her aura of excitement quickly caught on to me. However, the conversation I had with Daniel was not exactly leading to the same result.

Me: Oo, my workmate is getting married! So nice... she's so happy and all.
Dan: Mm.
Me: I wanna marry~~~ ^_^
Dan:Um. Don't think that can happen just yet....
Me: Who says I wanna marry you?

Things I do to torment his poor soul....

On another spontaneous issue, I joined the gym! Now I just have to workout. No matter what. I will have to. I'm looking forward to see results~~~~

I forgot how I should look

2009-05-08T22:42:00.002+10:00

I had been feeling rather mundane with life from just work and home. I have been feeling rather unsettling lately for some reason. The 'lost' feeling was lingering. I was not doing things that I really like in life I suspect. I was unsure how to improve my quality of life.

It was a light day, so I got off work early. Being a Thursday, the mall where I have the bus interchange had a late night shopping. I thought, why not. Just a some walk and window shopping might lift my feeling. I was looking at clothes and walking past boutiques and myers. I ran my fingers through the cloth materials that are not unfamiliar to my usual t-shirt and jeans. I think I hit home. I want to change. I want to stop not caring how I look anymore. I want to look good. I want to have a life. I want to treat myself. I want to remember who I was before I forgot myself in the last few years. Maybe I had an overdrive of feminine hormone. I don't care.

I will now start to change my wardrobe a little at a time to start with. Then eat healthy and start exercising. I want to put more care into how I look to go to work. No more glasses and in with the contacts. It has been too long since I want to look nice just because. Not only for that special occasion that I go out for a musical or a friend's birthday party. I have been feeling much too comfortable to look... mundane. I don't think I will put on make-up everyday. I just want to look good and feel good. I'm sick of my old lifestyle. I demand to change.

Wish me luck.

An ouchie in my eye

2009-04-25T20:56:00.002+10:00

One week into work and I come out with a pain in my eye (just the lid on my left eye). It was rather irritating and gives me a slight pain everytime I blink. When I got it on Friday, I thought it was from a wrong positioning of my sleeping pattern. But it didn't go away today either. It got me into thinking (in horror) that I already developed an allergic reaction in working at the laboratory. The mind then went into oh-no-i've-gotta-quit-me-job-and-have-no-income-again state. Quickly after that I was thinking what if it's something infectious and will cause me an eye. Maybe I flicked one of the drugs into my eye without knowing. And I became a worry wort. My aunt reckoned it was a "ngan tiu cham", a condition where part of the eyelid got infected result from being a peeping tom. It didn't look like the usual "ngan tiu cham" i encountered on other people, so off I go to the docs. My visit to the clinic resulted with the confirmation that I have a stye, which indeed is a "ngan tiu cham". So yes, I have to live with the teases of me peeping at people's keyhole, in particular, Daniel's. Bah.

The stye is an infection (may due to a blockage) of one of the glands under our eyelashes. It can be treated with antibiotic ointment for the eye. However, the most effective way of treating it would be to put something warm on it to let it drain, such as warm towel, rice, hard boiled egg and baked potato wrapped in damp clothes. Very important to keep it clean all the time. When comes the asian way... I remember I used to see people with swollen eyelids had black strings on their middle finger (it's suppose to help). Dan Tang told me I should use the opposite hand to go around my head and gently tug on my eye (this makes more sense than black string). Education program over now. Time to make potato and put it on my face.

Day 1 at Work

2009-04-20T21:13:00.003+10:00

Whoa! I'm stressed and it's only one day at work. Well, basically it's not that much to do but a lot to read and fill and next thing I know, my list of to-do just piled up. Suddenly my week of "not much" became so much more things to learn, train and do. Maybe I just expected an easier life. I was doing practically nothing before I started work. Maybe the starke contrast is causing me to hyperventilate. I mean I suddenly had purposes and responsilbilities and not to forget, goals and hopes and dreams. The car I dream of is not so far away anymore. Please do understand I do not dream for expensive ferrari or one of those fuel-scavenger machine. I merely want something to get me to point A to B. Then when I earn more, I'll think of upgrading. At the moment, my own transportation is good enough. Whoa... what sort of second-hand car should I choose from! What year? What model? Where to buy?! Bahhhhh.. I just can't wait. So many things to think of. Oh, Cats is making its appearance and maybe my first pay is in time for Chicago. Broadway will not only be in dreams....

Bah, first I need to work. And learn. And earn. My first day is a good wake up call. There's a life in the making and it's really up to me how I want to shape it.

She annoys the hell out of me

2009-04-17T00:13:00.002+10:00

Gah! A friend of Aunt Sus gets on my nerve! Within minutes of meeting her, I know she's not in my favourite list. She's old doesn't mean she gets to be bossy or miss-know-it-all. What I dislike about her is:

1) she's Christian and hence, she thinks she got the ticket to go to heaven. She's been travelling to China to save lives. I respect that she gives hope to people who lost it. But to be so proud to call baptism of international students here as 'saving' them?! Or to look at stauch buddhist as something of a silly thing. Who are you to say people who are not Christian will burn in hell or do not have God in heart. Non-christians are lost. Why? People like me are more likely to commit crime or murder?

2) She looks at you and judge you. One of her first questions to me: do you go to the gym. How I wish I could've grilled her . But I simply answered "no" in hope that she will leave it and that she did. Upon thinking, I realised I just helped her confirm her thoughts of me that I am overweight because I'm too lazy to take care of my being. Ooooo that's frustrating me!

3)Show off. She will nonchalantly ask you about whether you have read her book. when we react with a "no" instead of a "wow, you write books", she went on saying it's on its 2nd edition and maybe have the third. I'm so glad we didn't give her the satisfaction that she's great cos she published books. We simply eat our lunch and went on with other subjects.

4) Expects people to give her things. Ever thought of asking nicely? We were having buffect lunch and she decided not to have the buffet lunch and ordered something to share with Unc. But would hint to me and aunt (who also ordered the buffet) that she would love some fish and veg. I did get her some fish when she wondered aloud if they have fish. then her statement to aunt soos (who didn't hear) of "i wish you can just get me some veg" after aunt's third return from the buffet table. Just because she would only have healthy stirfried chinese veggies, doesnt mean the buffet ,that served fresh cucumbers, pickled fresh veg, curry veg and stirfried celeries, "is not good then". Just because the restaurant do not have what you want is deemed inproper.

5) She reads something online and believes it. She doesn't eat tofu or soy product much cos she got emails that they are harmful. She believes a certain protein, laminin, has the shape of the holy cross and work miracle in making each human come together. The worse, she preaches about it. She sends spams. Hello?!! Human, even in our primitive form, were here thousands of years before Jesus died on the cross and made it holy. So there's no doubt that laminin is not something that was created in the form of the holy cross so human can form. Oh wait, I forgot, the world was created in 7 days and there's no such things as evolution. Those primitive skulls of our early neanderthals were just ART-ifacts. Seriously, aren't we human supposed to be evolving? Why do we still have stupid people? Shouldn't they be outbred by now? Maybe stupid people do not know how to use contraceptions. Can't believe we are going back in time after all these years or evolution.

She's such a typical ignorant buffon! Oh, it's been such a long time since I've met people like her. Or at least not all 5 characters in one person.

Heart vs Mind

2009-04-16T22:46:00.002+10:00

This is regarding my previous post. I did a self reflection when I was at one of my part time work (I do a lot of thinking when I'm doing things that do not requires it which beats the purpose). So I thought that my heart won for the first time and it actually beat my rational thinking. I actually thought that there IS a difference between what I feel and think. Well, now I think they are bullcraps.

It wasn't the first time my heart beat my mind. In fact, my heart has very stealthfully influenced my mind; in particular the last 2 years which I was a total nincompoop slash jerk. I thought I could control what I feel.... but failed. I thought I could just think rationally and get myself back up in no time, but my heavy heart made things impossible or difficult. A strangled heart force the mind to make stupid errors just so the feelings could settle a little while longer. I mean, for one, I did accept Daniel in the end when my mind screams NO! I did not say it is a disasterous decision, in fact, it turns out pretty well. The relationship is teaching me to love and how to deal with, something I've lost faith in.

No, there is NO difference in what I feel and think. Both are related and tailgate each other pretty closely. They both formed a ring that has "Concious Action" and "Unconcious Action". It was stupid of me to think that I could separate them and I'm invulnerable to things-I-cannot-control. In conclusion, what I feel and think affect each other. To put it simply, how I feel will always affect how I think (eg. liking Daniel) and how I think affects how I feel (eg. getting my job). It is all the matter of whether I realise it or not.

Transition to a new chapter

2009-04-16T21:07:00.005+10:00

Well, I do have a lot to blog about. Topics has been popping out in my head for the past weeks, I just have yet to find the time, energy and sometimes just sheer laziness to sit down and blog. But I really want to put this down before next week begin. Actually, it's not so special anymore since I've already started, but hey, it is supposed to be official on the 2oth of April 2009. See, that's when a new chapter begins. That's when I leave the double lives I have been having the past few years and just focus on one thing, work. Not to say I won't be back at it again when I do decide to further study. So the idea of this post is that I want to record how I have been feeling towards this... new beginning.

For one, it's a definate relieve when I got that offer. I have been worrying about it and the market has not been wonderful. The people I spoke it often prefers experienced employee and my experiences are very limited indeed. The part time work I;ve got were fun at the beginning but the excitement quickly wear off and I'm began to look at them just as something for self-sustaining. One was laboratory cleaning and the other was pamphlet distribution. One of the things I learnt from them is that I do not want to work labour jobs. They are easy and good money but it's hell boring and tiring. I could feel my brain turning into mush.

I've got the butterflies. It's really nail biting that I'm not a student anymore and I am expected to behave like an adult. It's not that I have been behaving like a brat all the time, but it just leaves no room for mistakes. If I do, I can't have it as, " Oh well, it doesn't matter since I am just a student anyway," I will not have one month break and all. It's all so exciting and at the same time nerve wrecking. I'm begining anew. It's like the first day I got my driver's license; I got freedom!... but what if I crash?

I'm not sure if this step is the right one too. What if there's a better one out there? What if I don't like research? Maybe I should have looked for others first. Maybe I should have started with commercial. I really do not know if this is what I really want. The market is difficult out there, and I'm glad that I've landed myself a job. I'm just not too sure if this is what I want.

I still do not know how much I will get paid. HAH!

Besides being a confused lamb, I actually made food from scratch with the some time in hands. Below are pictures of the food I made these couple of weeks. I am pretty proud of myself.

Tong Yuen with red bean paste

Roast Pork with Thyme, Pear and Onion

Apple Crumble with oats, pecan and white chocolate

Siew Mai

Serimuka, a Malaysian kuih (cake)

ITCHY!!!!

2009-04-06T16:51:00.002+10:00

I'm itching all over!!! Not because I didn't shower. But thanks to some stealthy insects, I now am a suffering owner of 10 itchy mounts on me:4 on my right arms, 3 on my left arm and 3 on my left thigh. I didnt even got to see what type of insects. They came suck gone. I feel so used!

I've been scratching since yesterday! I bet some people on the street must be thinking I got some skin disease or something infectious.

I;ve scratch so much that I have red marks on my skin. It's like its bleeding but not really. So i tried slapping. Rubbing. pinching. Poking. Maybe I should spit on them like Uncle John suggested.

Heart Won

2009-04-06T16:02:00.002+10:00

For all the times you put yourself before others. For all the times you were there for me. For all the times you made me smile and laugh. For all the patience you have for me. For all the love you have for me. And thanks for making girlie *raspberry*. Bleh. I SO need to get used to being a girlie girl. Love.

I am stuck

2009-03-30T16:54:00.002+10:00

I am a real cow. A stubborn person who's know no shame of showing people (particular the victim) how much I dislike the person. I don't just dislike a person for how they look or anything, but generally how they behave and care of others. I never bother with people who's out to use others for their own benefit or being a fake. I just naturally avoid such harmful people. Depending on my exposure to such people, I either totally ignore them without acknowledging their existance or give them their own medicine. Sometimes, I can be vile too.

The thing is, I also realise once I turn my back on a person who's greedy for self-satisfaction, I just can't turn back. I realised I really do want to put such a person into history and never have to think about the person ever again.

Of course I have to be dating the brother of such a person. And hence, I never really got to forget the rotten pile of dung. Excuse my french, please. So as a person of reality (meaning that I think with my head not with my heart) I often forget how I will feel. To be exact, when I feel suffocated with a problem, I deal with it rationally by eliminating the source. So here's my problem: I'm dating a nice guy of which everyone tells me he's a good catch. I despise his brother to the extend that I feel disgusted by the mere sight of him (I judge people from their actions and love to their family and friends). It's like a love triagle where there's love hate relationship. To me, he cannot be really happy as he has to always think about his brother's and mine welfare. We can never be really happy when his brothers is like a thorn between us. And I'm like a thorn between their family. To simplify things for him, I group things into family and girlfriend. Then that leads to the question of how serious can we be and how long our relationship will last. So far, I do not plan for marriage or settling down. SO that's left with family naturally. What's more important than family right? No matter how many gfs he's got through, he'd always have a brother (even though that turd betrayed him repeatedly).

Sigh, I am sure he's feeling terrible being stuck in this war between me and his brother. He must he hurt everytime I hurl hurtful words about his brother or that he'd love to have me and his brother together to an occasion. Worse off is that they only just got better after the awful yesteryear. I am guilt ridden the more I go out with him. I do feel like I'm preventing them to be brothers again.

So my rationale tells me I have 3 options:
1: to forgive and forget
2: to pretend nothing is wrong
3: to stop everything

My reasoning about these 3 options:
1: I really cannot stop despising (if that;s a word) such a person. I tried to let it go. But his every words and actions.... are so.... deceiving
2: If I can, I wouldn't be stuck now
3: It would be painful, but its just one shot of pain rather than what we are going through

Yeah, you know where I am leaning towards. My heart tells me no.

But it's not like my mind ever lost to my heart.

Time Waits for no woman

2009-02-23T16:51:00.002+10:00

It's funny how I was reminded of my birthday this month and I had absolutely no clue. It was funnier when it happened the second time. It just didnt occur to me that February was indeed my birth month.

So far February has been good to me. I had a great Valentine with a lot of shock elements from a sweet boy. Met a female who's a very nice person. I say female cos she looks like a girl but she actually older. I should stop meeting people like them. They make me feel very old.

And no big party, infact, I'd love to let it slide with just warm wishes and nice talk over some coffee. I ever did have a knack to celebrate it just because I was born on that day. Its just like any other day. Maybe because I feel old, its just not special anymore. Ha. Nah, i just dont ask much, just the fact that one rmb to wish me, warms me up enough.

Both Dan insisted we should ceebrate. So it's settled. Looks like I'll be having a small gathering in the old place I live and dan still stays.

In a blink

2009-01-25T09:51:00.002+10:00

Whoa. it's been 2 weeks already and in about an hour I'm off again! 4 weeks ago, I was just pondering how my holiday would go and was excited about it. Now, I'm stuck in the toilet with a very bloated tummy and cramps and ache. Yes, I'm blogging from the KLIA toilet. Can't help it. I'm not sure if it's the cramps or a runny tummy. The toilet is grayish sand colour with pink stripes. (*interruption* a sweet little girl next to me is having tummy ache too and is apologising to her mummy that she's taking so long and on the other side, someone is scratching.) Bah. Just the day to have my period. (Woohoo! the smart little girl knows how to put her undie on!). Lalala.

In short, I'm really glad I've got this trip. It reminds me of who I was before I became a machine. Thanks to everyone who helped me made this trip possible and fun. Love you guys loads. Special thanks to karen, phoebe and ruen for taking me in like a lost piglet. Thanks to Joa, for being my personal chaffeur. None the least, my family for the support and love and patience. *kiss trophy*

Leaving for my "spilled-bood land"

2009-01-11T10:21:00.002+10:00

Tanah tumpah darah, my blood-spilled land, my birth country. It's been 3 years since I touched the land. There is a mix of anxiety, excitement, and fear. What's there to behold?

I shall be boarding in about 30 minutes.

It's another year!

2009-01-01T05:44:00.004+10:00

This time, I'm glad to say, I celebrated the new year in Hong Kong. I did not go to the common Tsim Sha Tsui, Times Square or even Lan Kwai Fung. Rather, we went to a far away place, Siu Lam near Tsuen Wan, New Territories. Tonight was the coldest night since I arrived in this metropolitan. Tonight was the most noisy night I spend since I arrived. Tonight was I smell the most since I arrived.

Happy new year to all and may it be a great year for you and me.

I'm in HK!

2008-12-29T01:03:00.002+10:00

I just spent almost a day in Brunei and made some trips via a tour package. It seems like a boring city, very much like Canberra. But lots more to see because of the beautiful mosques and others. It's rather interesting to hear about how the king can be so close to the people. It seems peaceful. A pleasant trip I saw, more so when I had a free stay at a HOTEL which I originally assumed it was a bunk bed in the airport or something.

I've just touched down on Hong Kong. Haven't been to many places yet but just Central station and a bit of Tin Hau. One word, breathless. My cousin was right. It's quite difficult to breathe here from the smog. I will jusst have to get use to it. It's going to be my stepping stone back to Malaysia (KL particularly) since 3 yrs ago.

Creepy Crawlies

2008-12-14T22:04:00.001+10:00

GAHHHHH. My lap top smells like insect spray!!!!!Damn those bloody ants for infesting it. They are still alive after i surface spray the laptop. When i blow dry it, MORE came out. GAHHHHH. not like there's anything in there. They decided to build a nest in my laptop! i hate thissssssssssssssssss. as i'm typing, it's been an hour since the discovery and some are still crawliing out this smelly laptop. i'm currently typing with out stretched arms and wrinkled nose. Not to mention, my aunt's room got a mysterious gecko that disappeared in a flash and there was a roach in the living area. Honest be told, the house here is protected by screens in all windows and dorrs and is spot clean. So we do not encounter those pest at all. All these happened in one night. This is crazy. Gah. I hope these ants are dying a slow death. How dare they invade my computer!

Wearing the square hat

2008-12-05T07:23:00.003+10:00

As of the first day of December, I officially graduated with a Bachelor of Biotechnology with First Class Honours.

I suppose I should be very happy about that. Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I've graduated with a distinction. But it has been such long hard year (s) that it seems like it's not all that important. I didn't think I'd attend the ceremony if it wasn't my family. In the end, I think DanielL was the happiest of the lot. WHich is good as he rubbed some of it into me. My hons year has pretty much robbed the light in me. I think it would have been worse if it wasn't for my sister, Daniel Tang, Daniel Lui, Annie and Shianne. Special thanks to them for helping me get through this though year.

Would I go through this again? Not really. But if I have to, I would be more prepared now. Was it worth it. Well, the end results says it all, no? Yes, it's worth it because I believe in working hard. Nothing falls into our lap without having us work for it.

Now I feel the apprehension rather than the ultimate freedom people always talk about after graduation. I figured it's largely due to my fuzzy future at the moment; something I have not encountered for a long time. I'm usually not this lost/aimless, waiting for a glimpse. In addition, I've always been working on at least two things at one time in my life. Suddenly, I'm not working nor studying. I was really lost believe it of not. I'm so not use to not having things to do. Fortunately, I immediately veered my focus on my uncle's house. Then there was this family reunion to deal with. Of course, in the midst if the chaos I still manage to squeeze in the PR application preparation (I'm glad I started as soon as possible) and renew my passport. It's almost complete now, application is in process and I manage to find out in the end that I need an oversea penal clearance from Malaysian High Commission in Canberra. So off I go again for my second trip this 16th. Currently, I'm also giving English tutoring. I've yet to finish unpacking in my unc's place. Need to sort out a friend's belonging and ship it back to her. Have to plan my HK trip from 28th Dec. Oh, which reminds me to give my new passport details to travel agent. There's 2x1000 word essays to write....

Does it sound just as chaotic? Not as much as Hons. It's great, cause it eases me into a more relaxed life rather than having no weekends and holidays previously. I did not have a.. 'culture shock' straight away. With the stress from before, I was this impatient short-tempered and very direct person. Now I began to feel not so uptight anymore, and very much myself again! I'm very glad about this. I don't believe I've lost myself there at any moment, rather I've encountered difficult situations and have grown. I'm more of myself now because I know I've been through tough times, and survived.

End of Degree

2008-11-11T12:57:00.002+10:00

I was tempted to write 'End of Uni Years' as my title. But it was rather to early to say on that. I do plan to further study sometime in the future. Albeit being almost 2 weeks old news, I finished my honours on the 30th November 2008 with the final presentation on my honours thesis. This year has been the most stressful but eventful (good as well as bad) year so far.

I was again offered with a PhD position at the laboratory but I planned to keep that in mind and get some experience and moolah before I continue my journey into the academic poverty. If course with such tough time and uncertainty of the economy, I might as well hide in academia. Coward. Ha. Currently, I'm in between phases. SO excuse me my contradictionary comments.

Presently, I've moved back to my uncle's in Eagleby, a tad far from my own social life. But it's good for the pocket. Dad's arriving tonight. I've planned on a Canberra trip on 26th to fix my passport. Leaving to HK on the 27th I think, for 2 weeks. then spend 1.5 months in Malaysia. Please do not say I'm australianised or I do not want to meet old friends or something along that time for my next comment. But I do worry about what the toot am I going to be doing for most of the 42 days. I'm used to having something to do and spontaneously go to places. I do no sit well with wasting my day away doing something trivial without the other part to balance it. For god's sake, I'm worried about what am I going to do now until I leave to HK. Man, this sucks.
I hate this feeling. of not being in control of my own life

I lost touch with cookin'

2008-10-19T07:49:00.004+10:00

I woke up with a jolt as I fell asleep the night before without meaning to. The sun was high and bright. I sprang out of my bed and into the showers thinking , "My God, I'm late," While dressing, I hopped over to my phone to check the time. 6.38am. WHAT?! I rolled my eyes and wondering what I should do such ungodly hour again. Yeah, this is not my first time. Lately, as if my body is tuned to the sun in the sky, I wake up when the sun is at certain angle to the world or something. With summer is just around the corner, and the Queensland government refuse to bother to approve for daylight saving, we have much brighter mornings. This was when something at the corner caught my eye. My 2.5 weeks laundry was coming up to my waist. After contemplating if I could survive another week with what is left of my clean underwear, I decided I should do some house chores. Oh, I'm so domesticated. *Paw at air*

I came back in after putting the wash in and decided I should make brekkie. With some pondering, I grabbed the oats, cornkernels and instant coffee out of the pantry.

Hypothesis: As pervious experiment has determined that popcorn made with peanut butter is devillish, what would PB and honey flavoured popcorn would taste?

Method and Material:
As the oats was spininng around in the microwave, I poured some kernelsinto a plastic container meant for rice cooking. I learned you can do that because it is not an air-tight lid. So, it's perfect. Beep Beep. Oats was not ready. Another 1 minute with a spoonful of honey. In the mean time, I made coffee. Beep beep. My porridge overflowed. Sighed. Cleaned the microwave and cornkernels into it and ate the remaining porridge (5-6 spoonfuls). Then I decided I want more yummy porridge, so I'd make another one. Beep beep. Still has a lot of kernels unpopped. I blobbed a big spoon of peanut butter and another spoonful of honey (because I wonder how it'd taste). Another 2 minutes to pop those stubborn kernels. While I was perparing my porridge, I was also watching Dora the Explorer on TV. "Rain rain go away, come back another day," sang Dora. That was when I smell something funny. Upon checking my popcorns, bottom of the container has melted and my popcorns are black. Sighed. So much for experimenting. I quickly got rid of the toxic fuming garble, aired it and replaced it with my bowl of porridge to be.

Woot! Porridge was perfect albeit the fact I made waaaay too much. Undeterred, I made another bowl of popcorns as I made it before: with PB and sprinkled with sugar. At the same time the washing machine beeped to indicate it's finished.

Conclusion:
It's stupid to try to heat honey in a plastic container
It's stupid to be multitasking at ungodly hour
It's stupid to not have eyes bigger than tummy (popcorn sits untouch next to me)
It's stupid to wake up soooo early
It's stupid to be Chiew

I'm still slacking

2008-10-18T21:00:00.002+10:00

I know I should be concentrating on my thesis, but I always find that difficult at home, unless it's due tomorrow. Anyway, this suddenly realisation just burst out of me when I was multitasking between chatting (99.9%) and thesis writing (do your math): I get to cut my hair!! Yay! Oh, I can't wait for the liberation! From honours as well as disgusting hair. It's summer and washing it its so much of a hassle. Bah, I miss short hair. I'm so happy!! I'm cutting my hair soon!!! OMG OMG OMG. I can't wait. I think I'm more happy with the hair cutting that finishing my thesis.

The last time I cut my hair was in late Feb/early March. That in total is about 7 months of no hair cut. Gasp! I'm amazed. Let me count how much it has grown.... it was under my chin and now it's touching my collar bone... Due to my inability to conjure more energy to lift my bum bum out of this chair a.k.a slack, I say it's grown about 15-18cm. Wow, that's about 2 cm+SEM/month.

Another bright idea just zapped me. I should sell my hair to those fake blondies with overly plastic boobs and ass and not to mention face. I can be a billionaire! Oh wow, I can't believe why i did think of this earlier! Man, why am I doing Honours. Bah.

THESIS

2008-10-09T08:33:00.002+10:00

GOD DAMN IT. WHY DO I TAKE SO LONG TO FINISH WRITING THE GODDAMN THESIS.

I'm slow. speed wise and also brain wise. GAHHHHHHH

Oh, i officially miceless on oct 7. Wee. Got to play with brains and cords and got my hands red dirty.

And we try again

2008-09-19T15:53:00.002+10:00

Funny. I bet most of the times in our lives (and pretty much involve with every aspect of life), its all about the identifying and grabbing the opportunity at the right time.

So, after a trip to the library, we were poking fun as each other when Dan grabbed me and held on,

Dan: I'm not going to leave you ever.

Me: What if I leave you?

Dan: ... then I stay stationary.

Me: -_-

Dan: I chase after you?

Me: There you go.

I used to think, the first answer is all I need to come to conclusion and wouldn't even give a hint as to that's not the answer I was looking for. However, with this man, I realised he's not giving up but merely giving me wings: even though, he wants....

and that was pretty much what i wrote a few days back and not so sure I rmb exactly what i want to write anymore and a lot has been happening and occupying my mind. Anyway, I need to finish this post partly to remind myself. from what i rmb, i wanted to write about how I have been wrong and had too much expectation out of myself and him. It was a lot easier for me now that I learned to be more open about this relationship.

Me: Quick ask me the question before I changed my mind.

Dan: *confused* ask you what?

Me: A question! Just guess the question!

Dan: It is about me?

Me: Guess!

Dan: Would you like to be my girlfriend again?

Me: *smiles* You got smart.

Dan: *Laugh*

Me: *delay delay*

I gave him a chance, he took it even though he knows I may well rip his heart again. And the best bit was that he patiently waited for my answer, his heart on a platter: waiting to be slashed or loved back. He took that chance again. I hesitated as I'm still learning how to accept someone unrelated to me loves me without conditions. I hesitated because I wasn't too sure if I won;t break his heart again. I hesitated becauseI was afraid of how I was changing. But what I do know is that I have always love him.

Me: Ok.

And as all fairy tales go, we kissed.

Drug addict no more

2008-09-15T19:47:00.003+10:00

Yay! No more druggin! I'm done with druggin! Ka-put! Begone! Zero! Nil! Kosong! Wahhaha. No more tortoruos sitting and wasting my 3 hours of life away. Actually 4 or more when baselining is considered. It days now will be shortened as soon as I lay those concubines away in peace. Ooooooo.... I know I shoulda learn my lesson and not keep my hopes high. But i cant help it. 20 more days to go!!!! AND IN LESS 2 months i'm a free woman~ academically at least

Are you stressed?

2008-09-13T11:37:00.002+10:00

http://www.phdcomics.com

Science in truth

2008-09-13T11:27:00.002+10:00

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1069

Amen to that

U're worse off dude

2008-09-09T08:43:00.002+10:00

I heard she has been talking. minding my business like it pleases her and wants to belittle me. So I rounded on her

Me: I heard u've been talking
Tard: What have I have been talking
Me: My things with daniel. The frequency we have sex. My business.
Tard: Who did u hear this from?
Me: U know who u've been talking to
Tard: Well, i don't know what ure talking about then. i talk to a lot of people.
Me: So there's A LOT of people now. This is my business not urs. U keep to urs next time.
Tard: Why would i want to talk about u
Me: Cos ure jealous
Tard: why would i
Me: *smile* cos he likes me for who i am and ure paying for urs to stay with u.
U're not better than me
Tard: ... Whatever
Me: U keep to urs and I'll keep to mine.

You know you've work too long in the lab when...

2008-08-28T17:31:00.003+10:00

you say, "The reason why I'll have children is because I think (removed name) has great genes! I'd like to make more of his strains,"

O_o What happened to love?

-If I were an enzyme i would be DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes-

^_^ yeah, I'm a nerd.

Laboratory

2008-08-28T15:53:00.002+10:00

10 years ago, I was hesitant to spell that.
Now, I'm stuck with it.

*bawl* I would have to do it for another month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-_-

I honestly thought this week is going to be the last of it. *reach for razor*

*shave leg* What? What did u think I was goin to do with a blade?

The white light!

2008-08-23T21:43:00.002+10:00

Oh, I see the white light. In a less 2 weeks, I will not be required to attend uni every single day. Sigh. Alas, the day I have been waiting for is looming near enough for touch.

On another note, I never would have expected myself to fall so low. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was high and mighty with the largest ego. I supposed it is true that the bigger they are, the harder they fall. It has been some journey. Sometimes, you look forward in time to watch yourself now and think about it. And you became somehow glad and appreciate it very much if you can make it through. That way, you would actually put that effort in making it right or put in that extra effort to make it there.

Reflection

2008-08-10T22:09:00.002+10:00

Good god, emotions. Why do we need them?

Cheapo

2008-08-09T15:58:00.002+10:00

These days, it doesnt take much to bring joy to me. Having cooped up so long, I am not surprised. Like the very-belated building induction i went to, it's not uncommon to have students who lost it here. Now I feel like walking around with a bucketful of concentrated hydrochloric acid too. *sinister smile*

I was just talking about the feeling of elation and pride after I requested an IT guy to fix up 2 computers in the honours room and spent 1.5 hours rearranging the room and dismantling the computers. Now, the room look a lot less like a store room but a study room for students. I didn't care what those cabinets are for. Since, they are not using it, we're taking it. wahahah.

This is the worse cheap thrill one could get.

Annoyeeeeeeeeed

2008-08-04T21:49:00.002+10:00

So far, I've been living with (although not entirely) responsible housemates who won't bother with personal matters but still do the chores. Now, seems like sis and I are living in a house full of kids who are older than me.

I'm peeved again by the freaking shithead. Yes, that same worthless pile of rotten shit. I bet it's really is too difficult to take the rubbish out. Just freaking take it out when the bin is full! Not let it over fill and rot into the same worthless pile of rotten shit like him.

I went into the room and told them off about taking out the rubbish. That soreass loser answered back THEY did. yeah, a week ago and only the job of ONE person. That's THEY. I suppose as long as ONE person did it, the rest of them from upstairs don't have to do it. Then he rolled his eyes at me. WHAT THE FUCKKKK. Oh my, he's got so much things to do. All he does is sit at home and play Ragnarok online. It's got to be the most brain retarding game which are leeched by cheapskates just because it's free. I hope you got depoted.

Fuck fuck fuck. I feel like picking up a fight with him. GAHHH. one more time and I'm really gonna give him a piece of my mind.

Uncertainties

2008-07-24T20:29:00.001+10:00

That's a horrible horrible feeling. UNsure. UNcertain. Unknown. I wish I could just decide and be done with it. I wish I can just get it to work. I wish I can just get it done asap.

I've been trying to decide, do I continue to further study now or after a year of work. Because scholarship matters. residency matters. Age matters. Location matters. Experience matters. Research matters. Money matters.

Fak.

Trip back home

2008-07-23T20:18:00.002+10:00

Alright guys, I am finally goin back to my tanah tumpah darah (malay: soil spill blood which also means my homeland). It has been 3 years since I left the Malaysian soil. I can't believe it has been that long...

So the arrival date is on the 11th of January and leaving on the 15th of February. So I would be able to spent an entire authentic (Malaysian version) Chinese New Year.

Friends and foes, beware! For Chiew is coming back! By the way people, can I bunk at your place?

Update! I bought a sleeping bag and 60L backpack at Kathmandu. I received a 60% discount! Saving me hundredsssss. I'm set for my trip to Canberra and then to Perth and depending on how much money I've got, I'll see where else I can go. Graduation is Dec 1st. I'm finally seeing the light.. *big sigh* Better not get distracted yet

eelkkkt

2008-07-15T18:59:00.002+10:00

oh i forgot to mention my most recent results with the english test. I passed with 7 and above for all areas in the exam. So I don't have to worry about it anymore, though UQ would've sponsored my exam if I had took it later. Grumble. Anyway, I obtained 8 for listening, 8.5 for reading and 7.5 for writting and 7 for speaking (far cry from my earlier result of full point 9). I blamed my housemate for deproving(if that's a word) my speaking. I guess it really depends on who's your tester and pray that they are in good mood when comes to marking your paper.

Other than that, it's count down to end of Honours.

Pro-mouse

2008-07-05T20:58:00.002+10:00

Yes, yes. I've pro mouse now. Everytime ANYthing comes out with mouse in it, I find it interesting. I saw this on TV and I absolutely love it and secretly wished the mice I work with will do this. Wahaha. Stuart little was on TV as well and I never realised how real life Stuart looks to a mouse. Cute.

Spongy bhlain

2008-06-29T17:12:00.002+10:00

I just missed my bus. I'll have to wait for another 15 mins till I leave this godforsaken place. I could feel my bhlain is all dehydrated and smell of rodents.

I just did my IELTS yesterday. My second time as I did not get all 7s and above for all parts: reading, writing, listening and speaking. I need them to be 7s for immigration purpose. The last time I scored 6.5 for both reading and writing and a whooping 8 for listening and 9(full mark) for speaking. This indicates that I am an empty can with a small pebble that make all the rattling.

Now this time was easier comparatively to the last time. However, I never learn my lesson. Again, I miss the last sentence of the essay question. I only wrote half of what they wanted from me. Ha. Oh well. We'll see the results in friday week. That's all for today and i'm off to catch my last bus.

Its July soon

2008-06-27T20:42:00.001+10:00

A few more months to go. Oh god, I just want this year to be over and done with. I've been in uni for 120 odd consecutive days now. Amazes me when I think about it. Now I'm going to clear my mind and not think about it anymore. That's the only thing they keeps me going. Just do it. Don't think about it.

Stress Relief

2008-06-13T20:36:00.002+10:00

Exam is around the corner. Here's some stress relieving activity

Make games | Share | Play free online games | User Generated Games @ Pictogame

Tingling Sensation

2008-06-11T00:04:00.003+10:00

Oddly, I had that running up my spine. It has been ages since I listened to good music. Current hit music are too riddles with sex and money. I forgot how music supposed to sound like. I suppose deep inside I am more of a classical one. Anway, I googled my brain for the last time I had the same reaction and surprisingly, it came from Paul Potts, the winner of the Britain got tallent. Not bad for a mobile phone seller. Now, I'm in love with Winnie from 2V1G. Her voice is mesmerizing. But both girls are really good. Enjoy listening~

Bonky Monky

2008-06-03T20:23:00.006+10:00

I spent the whole day in lab doin one thing in one position on different batches. Now, I've got achy back and neck. *big big sigh*

A thought came to be as I slave my day. Science lab in general is not difficult. It's so repetitive, anyone and any animal big enough can do it with practice. What appeared to be fun at first quickly dull over, wilt and die. The only fun part is WHEN you get results. But that's one out of 1000000 experiments (and more depending on the nature of the project).

So, in order to help me rest, I vote for monkey! Yes, I will put a monkey in my position for a few days while I run away into the wilderness and eat bananas. In return, the monkey will get a mountain full of yellow bananas which I collected in the duration I was away. YES!Thatisperfect!MyplanisperfectNobodywillbeabletoguessIammojojojo-IamthegeniusmojojojoOthertypicalmonkeywilljustworkforme-whileigoonaholidaycausenoonecantellthedifference.Mojojojoisgreat!

So, which monkey wanna take my place? Mmhmm, I'm talking to you. I'm sure there's lots of monkey reading this, especially those that came from the female monkey school.

More rodents for the dodent

2008-05-29T21:59:00.002+10:00

As if I dont have enough on me now, I've been told there will be more animals coming next week. I'm already up to my neck now with occasional 'extra' testing I have to do. With this new batch, I foresee myself in uni 7am(or earlier) to 6.30pm. Yay! 12 hrs in uni everday. Not including paperwork. Mon-Sun.

Now if I can imagine if I am an RA. How much money I would have earned.

Crazy idea: phD?

Favourite Clothing

2008-05-24T19:42:00.002+10:00

What is your favourite clothing apparel? The one that you would always wear no matter what, every single day without fail, washed or unwashed and stained or even have green hue evaporating of it....very much like that favourite ~~yellow~~ white undergarment that you keep wearing even though you have hundreds others.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about your stinky panty.

Back to my favourite, it's white, with buttons and reach to my knees (please get that ridiculous image of a gigantic grannies out of your mind). Itsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss my uber duper super coolper LAB COAT! It's a great piece of body warmer against the cool lab air conditioner, protector from stains to get onto our 'real' clothings, have sleeves to play hide and seek with little mice, dry your wet hands on, its material able to scratch your nose when you have your hands full, have 3 pockets to keep things in, hide my yesterday's indulgence and mismatched clothing from incoherent mind due to lack of sleep... it's a great piece of clothing.

I've been wearing it for 80 consecutive days without fail. That is how much I love it.

I'm Glowing!

2008-05-21T11:39:00.001+10:00

Early Monday morning, I was lugging my carcass into the honours room where I bumped into Marcus, a soon finishing honours student...

M: Hey! Long time no see!
C: Heya, good to see you again.
M: How's your project
C: same old, same old every single day. been the same for the pass 70 days or so.
M: No wonder. You have the Honour's glow
C: Glow?
M: the pale sickly skin, big dark eye bags, exhaustion, lack of grooming... (need I say more?)

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

2008-05-13T20:46:00.003+10:00

who's this person that's going to fall?

It's been ages since I actually looked at myself in the mirror. So much so that I didn't realise this big pimple sprouting on my cheek. I only realise it when I was putting on my mask during lab and have this annoying pain on my cheek.

Today, I spent 5 seconds in front of the mirror while washing my hands. I could hardly recognise my reflection. I had spotted pale yellow skin (also from lack of sunshine) complimented with black panda eyes. All I see was "exhaution" printed across my face. I recognised this look though. Another phD student/pharmacy have the exact look as I, or worse.

On the bright side, most things are under control again. I'm focusing again. So that's something good from all that had been happening. I'm glad.

My Precioussssssss

2008-05-11T18:15:00.003+10:00

I collected my 23 minions on Thurs. They were light and quiet as I walk across the Great Court. I was confident they would be great contribute to my collection. My current 6 minions has served me well, but old age are getting to them already. So these 23 young ones would be able to learn from them before they are unable to serve me anymore.

YYesssssssssssss, my dynasty is already expending. That was my though as I clutch the boxes close to my heart. The wind blew cold against my face but the sun shine high in the sky. My sinister smile showed off my very sharp canines. Suddenly, the whole court was reverberating with my evil laughters.

I put them in their separate home when we got to our home base. And they will be left till today...

My plan to take over the world is faultless!!!!! *pinky and the brain theme song*

Today, i checked on my minions-soon-to-be-warriors. Their dark eyes watched me when I took them out. And then, they decided to dash. Those lighting dash that my clumsy heavy frame were not able to keep up. Each one I picked would fly across the air and rather have an almost killing fall the an to trust me. I never knew I could pounce. And it hurts. Bloody mice! They bloody bit me when I marked them mine. Rebels, I tell you. THEY ARE REBELS. This is what they give me after I gave them a roof over their head, food and water. I hate mice. >_<

Silly stupid drunk

2008-05-05T21:42:00.002+10:00

Our original plan of heading out to Caxton Street Seafood Festival was nulled due to stupid tickets. A big disapointment to me and sis. We were really looking forward to it. We were dressed for it.

Plan B. We head over to Milton for some food and maybe coffee/chocolate. Due to stupid Sunday timetable and Nadia's paedophillic anxiety, we head of to Valley. Nadia happy ventured into her school girl fetish when we got there. Sis, Patrick and I hung out a bit and had McFlurry amidst the rowdy crowd. Dan joined us moment later. While waiting for Tac and cousin we had drinks at Press Club. Decent place for drinks.

I was drinking rather fast. Not to mention, I haven't been drinking for ages. So I was rather a cadbury. Next thing I know, I was itching. Then, I was HaPpY! I was giggly, loud, dancing, and sure enough, rather horny.

Didn't take long for me to be doing something I was not supposed to be doing. Let's say, I was naughty. I watched Dan like a bait. Ex. Sigh. It's not right, but it was familarity. So, I dived and fell for it. Stupid alcohol.

I woke up this morning, feeling remorse. We had to talk about it. So yes, I am going to limit alcohol consumption. This post is my reminder.

P.s. I'm down with a cold. Fuck.

Hollie hollie hollie

2008-05-01T15:27:00.004+10:00

Mm. This is new.
*poke* *prod*
Ouch
Not really
It feels nothing
It looks like nothing
an empty space

This IS new

First the feelings, now this. Sigh. SO what? This is how it feels like?I suppose i rather have this than the other alternative. Dududuuduududuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

I'm blaming hormones. Fucking proteins has nothing better to do than to screw up people's head.

Odd feelings

2008-04-30T22:49:00.002+10:00

I know it's the right thing. I know I deserve better. I hate it at times like this (PMS), I'm forced to 'feel' rather than think. Stupid hormones. And with this every odd moment and odd feelings concocting inside my stomach like dying toxic butterflies, I'm not sure what the heck do I want... or more like what do I feel.

I've always been rational, to myseld at the least. I think and weight the consequences and discarding any potential of maybe feeling it later; taken for granted I get over it eventually. I usually succeed. I live on. I move on.

But this very odd feelings are damn frustrating. I wish I could just push them out and ignore them by distracting myself. It used to be easier. But with me working on the computer most time, my mind lingers and these " feelings" are annoying the hell out of me. Gah.

Relationship are like drugs. Once, u get a sip of it, it's like an addiction. I'm in a fucking withdrawal I think.

I'm ok. Stupid wonky hormones during period times. God. Why does it have to be so difficult being female.

More of me

2008-04-30T21:38:00.002+10:00

So.....

Well,

I'm single again.

Mm.

And I'm isolating myself from the housemates. I'm running out of tolerance. oh well.

MMMmmmm.

On the brighter note, I had a gay nite out at Ngoc's bday. Those with facebook get to look at some pics. Damn I look feminine. Like one of those lipsticks. Hey, I put on those boots for Nad anyway and I love being her wedge and Dan's c*ck blocker. I had a wee bit of ice cream cake and a queer cunt cake (wonder why that pic didnt get onto the facebook). That didn't quite settle in and off we went to the Beat. I wasn't high enough to be dancing but hey ho, the hag wrapped her arms around the birthday girl and we "seduce". Ahem. So yeah *BIG GRIN*. I'm still straight... with gay tendencies. *wink*

Sunday night, was supposed to be some housemates dinner, but it got canceled last minute. So sis and I went to Freestyle for dinner. it was rabbit ravioli and duck.bacon.mushroom risotto. YUM. Then followed by "Satisfaction Cocktail" of Baileys, Tia Maria and Kahlua blended with ice cream and drizzled with honey. Mmmmmmmmmmm. *droooool*.

Uniworseity

2008-04-16T20:29:00.002+10:00

i can't believe it. Its been 37 consecutive days I've spent some point of the day in uni. EVERYDAY never fail. That's more than a month. And i'm looking at 3 -4 more months of this.

At present, I'm not sure what i'm feeling. I'm numbed, tired, completely 'not there' anymore. As though this shell of my body just constantly move without a mind of its own. I am not sharp anymore. I take ages to think. I just do things, like any labourers.

Honours. Does it worth it? For future's sake yes. Heck, even PhD sounds great. Definately not now. Double living is crazy enough, and to top it with honours or PhD. It takes extreme sanity to go on. Sigh. I do look up to Nad's real life soapies. That somehow gets me by my days.

Tick, tick, tick

2008-04-09T18:21:00.002+10:00

Much has happened since I last post, which I realised was a very bad last post and made people worry. Sorry, didn't mean to not update that. That matter had long passed.

So with honours assigment and presentation, I can practically go crazy. It didnt help either that my old injury is haunting me. With the change of weather, the cold is affecting my wrist pretty badly. My lack of sleep, pain and stress is definately not a good concoction. Then my ability to ignore the stuff happening at home is weakening. Ironically, I'm involved even though I spent the least time at home and interacting with them. Let me laugh here. Apparently, now I'm the target *image of bull's eye on my forehead*. I don't give a shit what they think of me. Fucking hell would I want to waste my precious time clearing my name to morons. Well, at least there's a good thing that come out of it. My other half don't have to deal with her as often. As for the fuckwit, I don't care if you benefit or not from this but at least she has a life now instead of serving you. Although, I predict she'll fall back into her old self soon enough and be the every maid that you love about.

I've been too fortunate or rather I cleverly chose to be in company of true good friends. I don't see why I want to break that. Seriously, I've never met anyone so manipulative, selfish, arse-lazy (besides her) and only best at using friends. So now, fuckwit is a regular person that I just happened to share a house with and have no intention of harnessing any relationship.

The good thing that comes out of all these is that I now know I am a feminist and a discriminator of lazy arseholes. Nothing wrong with that. What currently disappoint me most is myself for believing your profession in changing for the better. fuck hell, i even tried to help you to change. I should have known better to keep away from a good for nothing lying jerk. You fucking shithole. You're nothing but rotting shit.

Oh, that feels so much better.

Miserable

2008-03-24T20:36:00.001+10:00

I hate myself.

I'm sorry.

TGF

2008-03-22T00:23:00.002+10:00

Thank god it's friday. THANK god it's Easter!

Actually, makes no difference to me at all. Weekday, weekend, school holiday or even public holiday. I still have to do the same old routine. It's Day 11. Another 29 days for the first batch of experiment to end. Then again, I'll be having my 60 days expriment starting in the midst. Wonder how long can I do this every single day. Seems like I can't even have a break.Doesn't matter. At least it's easy since it's only observation and poking. I've been lazy these days. Getting into lab later and later. Just hope I don't get too sick of it.

IN the mean time, I'll just move on. No point moping about it. I still have to do it. I might as well enjoy the process of it.

Happy Easter to the fortunates one who get the days off!

Saddens me

2008-03-09T21:23:00.003+10:00

I watch her and the feminist me couldn't help but wonder what the heck does she think she is doing. Saddens me to see her does this to herself.

Then again, it is not my place to do anything about. I should mind my own business. Ha. Will have to try hard to IGNORE her. I find it hard to even talk to her face... not because she's succumbing to... love/crush/infactuation. It is the things she does to other people(and to herself) so she and he can be satisfied.

Edited:
What a F*cking Sexist! Hah! She's just lost all any pity I felt for her. Girls like her would really do ANYTHING to get boys attention. ANY boys. Reminder to self: IGNORE THAT BITCH.

Feminine vs Feminist

2008-03-03T23:06:00.004+10:00

I realised I'm a feminist. Well, more like I just admitted it. I've been on my own for a while now and weak female really enrages me. It has been ages since I've met such girls. But boy, i find them such disgrace to womankind that I feel physical. Maybe there is a fineline between being feminine and being desperate/weak. I just find it so annoying when a girl has to succumb to a man.

I know I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't see the problem why the girls have to rely on another to.... live. There are charms being feminine. And surprisingly most boys find self confidence in females intimidating. Then again that's just asian talk. Maybe being asian is all that different.

In order to go on, I have to confess. I am now in a relationship. Very new. In less than a week, I've already reminded him I'm capable of taking care of myself. Later I realised that's pretty much sums up into telling another person, I don't need you. We agree on a little flirting with other people is ok. We make agreements. And a whole load of things that normal couples just don't do. And this made me realised I have a enormous ego; a feminine pride that I find it hard to put down. Not to mentioned, I was told SOOOOOO many times I might as well be gay.

I seriously find it weird when I got congratulated. It's lost of singlehood a.k.a. freedom. Why congratulation? Is it a celebration? I know it's nice that 2 persons get together. However, I just can't wrap my head around why congratulation. Maybe I feel more for the lost then the gain. I told you I'm not right in the head.

I am lucky in some way that he doesn't mind and he understands I have a PRIDE. I have to give that his tolerance is pretty good for a straight boy. I would have sent a lot of boys running. I never have thought I would end up having a relationship so soon. Never have thought I'd end up with boys near my age too. Most of the time I find it annoying and prefer the more mature people. Things happen.

So the whole point is that, being a girly girl can be charming but please don't be retarded. We can't change our feelings when we met someone we like. However, we can have some dignity. Right?

I turned 22

2008-02-26T11:09:00.003+10:00

I had the bestest birthday in my 22 years of living. All thanks to skc. Big hugs, kisses and love to her.

It all started on Saturday with a sophisticated dining at E'cco near Valley. We dresses to the nines and strut our stuff. The atmosphere was great and food was splendid. Our eyes widened with greed and we ordered dessert. We couldn't finish it in the end.

On Sunday, the little get together at night turned into a birthday celebration. Sis made the most yummylicious non-diary chocolate cake. It may sounds odd, it taste superb; much much better than those mundane choc cake at cafes. We had roast lamb complimented by a few chinese dishes and rice. We downed those with vodka. We survived. I barely did. My allergy to alcohol decided to surfaced and I looked like I was sunburned from top to toe.

Sis, Nad, Dan T, Dan L, Patrick, Amy and Wei slurred a birthday song before I stabbed the cake. Little did I know, that means trouble. So I had to kiss the nearest boy, Wei. He turned to me with glee and greased himself with lamb fat. He knows my love for mutton and so he demanded to be licked. After much hesitation, I licked him. Ew.

Then Nad had to lick me~~ I don't quite remeber why. I just know she did. I would go for her if only I was in her league. Sexy bitch.

Next week, I'm going full body massage, courtesy from my sis. Wee!

It was a great bday. Thanks sis! Love love love love you.

...

2008-02-21T13:08:00.003+10:00

Everything is still a bloody fuzz. Whoopy. I see the problem as I have made up my mind. But feelings are bloody nuisance.

I didn't realise I'm such a practical woman until I get to compare. Oh, I feel like I'm such a cut-edge woman with cold blood runing in my veins.

The house now

2008-02-21T13:00:00.004+10:00

I arrived to Brisbane with just Mary in the house. In a blink she was gone for a very long holiday. Then Amy arrived and it was just the 2 of us. I was too busy and there were days when we don't see each other at all. Skc came back and it was a lot better. Patrick finally came back. The house was still peaceful most of the time.

Now Wei and Daniel is home as well. And it seems like never ending wailing and thumping. Ah... the house is alive. A tad too alive. The thumping is tolerable but the wailing is starting to get on my nerves. I do admit I make a lot of noise but that just crosses my line. Hahha. Maybe i'm jealous there's someone who's better at it than me. Nah, I'll just stay downstairs and keep my door closed. That should do the trick. Boys. They bring out the devil in the woman. wahhahahahahha.

Catching Some Breather

2008-02-21T12:53:00.002+10:00

The past 2 weeks was a crazy one. Each day started at 6-7am and ended at 6pm, then arrived home for more work. And that was just the begining. It has not started. Lucky me, I am able to take a break since my experiment can't proceed with the animals I have. So I'll be ~~idling~~ doing something about my research proposal.

It's great. I get to have a weekend of fun! So tomorrow, the household will be heading off to Aus Zoo. It's a housemate moment maybe. Then Skc is bringing me out for dinner on Saturday. Sun we have a small get together and have lamb roast. Skc making it. And she's even got me a full hour body massage! Me love u long long time. *vibrate with joy*

Valentine with the rodents

2008-02-14T08:40:00.001+10:00

It's been tedious going to lab everyday in the morning and coming back late evening. I do the same old same old never changing stimulating my mice. No, I don't give them porn magazines and a plastic tub. I just von Frey filaments (hair-like filaments of different thickness) to poke at their feet as non-noxious stimulation. I'm studying pain in mouse models. No blood and no gore, ok?

I'ts slighty more than a week or stimulation and I'm getting use to the routine somehow. I mean it's a compulsory everyday thing for my project. No point complaining since I can't get rid of it. SO i might as well enjoy it. For those future sciencetist, please do not get into animal behaviour projects unless you don't mind doing the same thing over and over and over again. Also, every single minor details will affect animals' behaviour. So you would have to be as constant as possible. When i say routine, I really mean it.

Happy Valentine to all. I'll be spending most of the day with my mice again. Only this time, one of them has to be put down because it's teeth overgrown and she can't eat. Rather than letting her starve to death, it's better she goes without pain or starvation.

Rodents!

2008-02-07T20:22:00.000+10:00

Lab is on full swing now. I got to uni at 7.30am and left at 7pm. I f_king love research. You get to sit there and poke at mice then record all day long.
Sounds easy rite? NOT WHEN YOU JUST CANT GET THE RESULT IN THE RIGHT RANGE. As adorable as they can be, they can be equally smelly and uncooperative. I'm baffled at the moment. Is my way of poking is wrong? I'm not using the right technique? Wrong mice? I just want a freaking baseline! I'm doing this for weekends too. So good bye day offs.

My stress level will soon be over my head.

I dont understand how people can work like this. I mean serious working people who does the same thing over and over and over again everyday.

Petition against Bus Crashes in Malaysia

2008-01-31T08:50:00.000+10:00

The lives of the three deceased in the recent Slim River bus crash will not go to oblivion as friends and family are working hard to ensure that this will not happen to other families as well.

http://buscrashnomore.blogspot.com/

The link above brings to you get involved in the petition for more control over the public transport that brings our friends and family across the country. Let's come together and ensure their safety when travelling.

Puzzling Dream

2008-01-30T11:07:00.000+10:00

I dreamt that I went out was wearing my nighties(the one I was wearing to sleep). I was self concious about it. To make matter worse, there was another person wearing the same top and shorts as me. I walked pass her looking and then I dont remember. Wonder what this nighties have to do with my life if dreams are such life indicators.

A Real Loss

2008-01-29T17:37:00.000+10:00

A fellow MGSian ( Methodist Girls' School) passed away recently from a bus crash while travelling lost distance from Penang to Kuala Lumpur. A very bright 21 yo UNSW medical student lost her life due to incompetence of the driver, bus company and the goverment who seems to only have empty promises. I may not know her well but it is still a shock to find out a junior of mine passed away. My condolences to her family, friends and wish them well.

Nian Ning's news here.

Here I blog of her in hope that more of these crashed can be prevented. I am appalled that the driver had 13 summons and still kept his job.

Brainstorm for petition here.

Nian Ning's Blog.

Facebook's Memory of her here.

Dad and troop

2008-01-27T10:58:00.000+10:00

Dad and his troop consisting of my 2 aunts, a hubby and 2 kids finally appeared on the start of Australia Day (a little pass 12am). With 13 luggages of all sizes, it took them almost 2 hours to get out of the airport. We greeted, hugged and kissed with droopy eyelids.

The 3 cars races back home to settle down and clean up before hitting the bed at 2.30am. Me and aunt were too lazy to get out of bed the next morning. Then it hit us that it was 12pm. But that also mean 10am. Not too late lah.

We spent the day looking at cousin's house, lunching at a Malaysian restaurant(oddly enough since they just arrived from Msia), kickstarting a car, driving around UQ and finally the welcoming the troop with a big bang! We watched fireworks at Southbank from my place and took them for a walk. Shortly we realised, it not a normal troop and thus walking is not a very good option. The elders were not able to walk too much and the trip around SouthBank was cut short to have dinner in West End.

It was rather fun to be traveling around is such a big troop and watching all of them fussing over 2 kids. I must say, travelling with kids are pretty darn hard. I salute parents, expecially those with babies.

I'm not too sure why but I'm lethargic and paining all over. Maybe Nad has to be blamed.

Once in a lifetime offer

2008-01-24T12:49:00.001+10:00

*Ring!*

Me: Hello?
Other person/thing: Hello and Congratulation. *Monotonous* You. Have. Receive. A. ONCE. In. A. Lifetime. Offer.
Me: -___-
Other person/thing: Press 9. As our operator...
Me: *puts phone down*

I would think that it would be such joy when I received a once-in-a-lifetime- offer of something. The robotic voice gave me such glee that that i forgot to press 9 and went about the neighbourhood screaming that I actually won something by just having no life, stay at home and pick up a phone. Hot dang! Now I'll just spend the rest of my life waiting for another once in a life time offer. It's that easy!

Telemarketing must getting really desperate. or the consumer at the end of telemarkets are.

Horrible Horrible

2008-01-23T14:26:00.001+10:00

The top of my head is throbbing and my hand is paining.

My day started like any other day. The sun rised, I stirred, grunted, shut alarm, sleep... then jolted up since it was late.

The sun then starts to disappear behind the clouds and I decided to wax my brows. The waxing didn't work but that would be another story. The internet starts to not work as well. Then the phone died. Heath died. And moments later my head.

I was out checking on the line under the house. I was puzzled as to why the heck the line keeps cutting off. Being only a technician wanna be, I stared and poked at the colourful wires, unsure of which is which. I decided I would leave them be since I know nuts. Very typically woman, I would have to say. Just right then, I came up too fast but hit my head againts the corner of the house. Dare I say, I was totally horribly painful. I could almost feel the cells in my brain screamed in agony before dying off and left me that much smarter.

Smart indeed I am. To cheer up, I put in extra effort in my lunch. I was heating up a can of beans in the microwave when I remember tomorrow is the trash day. So i went to sort out the recyclebles from the rubbish. I pushed the rubbish down to make room but did not notice a can was there. I felt that sharp pain and the depth of the can in my hand before it occured to me I cut myself. Here I want to make clear that can had corns, my can that had beans were still on the table. I know I was stupid, but at least not that stupid yet. I feel like a series of unfortunates. I'm cursing myself. Its only half the day and here I am moping and complaining and wallowing and sulking.

To add, I didn't know when you scratch you nose, you are also pulling the skin on you head. Takes an injury to know how your body works. At least i learned something today~~~ Wee!

Heath Ledger is Dead!

2008-01-23T10:33:00.000+10:00

I didn't think it was true. He was only 28 and so very good looking. More info here.

Sigh. Farewell, heart-throb.

Very Annoyed Love Bed

2008-01-19T16:06:00.000+10:00

Dan and I were hanging out by the grass in Southbank, sinfully indulging ice cream. Ants were annoyingly bugging us. As we rose to leave the park, I noticed something peculiar on my arm that doesnt look right. Upon closer inspection, the 2 ants were not just fused together butt cheek to butt cheek. They were fully at it. I flicked those horny ants away in digust. How dare they copulate on me of all place in the park.

On the brighter side, it seems like I've got a new housemate. A female asian. Now this would be interesting.

The love of my life

2008-01-17T13:02:00.000+10:00

not that mushy. But I'm still equally happy~. Daniel is back~ My fag is home. Gives me back the meaning of being a hag. Sweet sigh... Now I've got Dan and Nad to keep me alive~

*tap foot furiosly* Now waiting for butch-turned-liptick Sera.

Pains and Needles

2008-01-16T12:14:00.000+10:00

The University Health Service provides free service (or charges my health cover) for blood testing. My family has the history of being anemic, low red blood cells. Out of curiosity, I went to get it done and see how it was. Also in hope to know my blood type. I'm 2 decades old and still have no clue what's flowing in me. The vampire attacked me yesterday. Results will be out this Friday.

That was all side tracked. My primary goal was to enquire about the Tetanus and Hepatitis B shots. I confirmed with my supervisor on who's paying first and went ahead to schedule for them today.

Vaguely remembering the pain I endured when the Blood Bank tested my blood for low iron, I was not prepared for yesterday's pain. I felt the needle inserted and immediately followed by a sharp pain. I gripped the ball in my hand (It's only a rubber ball to pump so circulation is flowing, people!The pathologist is female!). I watched and felt the blood being sucked out of me. Then stopped. Needing to fill up 4 tubes, the nice lady jabbed in and out then left and right until there is blood flowing again. The feeling washard to explain but took me a moment to register it was pain because all I could think of at the few times she had to move the needle is, "STOP, YOU MOTHERF#$%^@!!!!!" Of course, I was in too much shock to move or say anything beside a meeks "Ahhh.....". She went, "Oh I'm sorry, but it seems the vacuum tubes aren't working so well these days. I'll make this as fast as possible." -_- She withdrew 4.5 tubes and threw my precious 0.5 tube away cos it was too little.

My arm felt bruised the whole day. I expected big bruise today. However, aside from the red dot, my arm is prefectly fine.

After my consultation with the doctor, a nurse greeted me and invited me to her office. She showed me 2 needles for the Tetanus and Hep A&B shots. I believed it wouldn't be as painful since its only a shot and no need for needle adjustment. Boy, was I wrong. I relaxed my arm and took a deep breath and supposed to count till 4 like she said. The pain! The pain! I lost count at 1. Before I could recover for the shock. "Let's count again." Another jab. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... I could take one shot fine, but the second shot almost simultaneously could have killed me. Instinctively, my arm was all tensed and I'm sure that it harder n more painful when the second shot came about. I'd go for intravenous injection anytime compared to intramuscular injection.
Bloody needles!

There are 2 injections about an inch apart. The patriot me is also wearing the UQ shirt.

I don't have anything!

2008-01-16T11:47:00.000+10:00

I forgot to mentioned, the fridge broke down n stinked when I got back. I spent the next few days clearing it and soaping it, have all the frost melt and finally let it slowly dry up in the humid weather.

Then I waited and waited and waited for my luggage, afraid to leave the move in case it arrived. I didn't give it anymore thought the next day as I'm really in need of food and other necessities in the house. What do I do without toilet paper!

The luggage arrived at 6pm on 10/1 and is still sitiing at the same spot today. I've got to get about to clear it soon. Even my clean laundry is sitting in the basket for a few days.

Aside that, I was content with the cupboards overstocked and I have food and toilet paper to last me a lifetime of a buttefly.... until an unwanted peeping tom visited. I was showering, enjoying the water trickling down. When I noticed something dashed at the corner of my eye. I stared at the semi see-through shower door. There it goes again! The pervert stood there with skinny legs and long brown body. It shivered its wings and continue enjoying his view.

My shower was cut short obviously. I slowly pushed the door open and reached for my towel. I disappeared when it flapped it wings and landed near the towel hanger. For revenge, I came back with a rolled up paper, but a tiny heart. I threw the paper and ran. I then closed the door and stuffed the floor towel underneath to prevent it from coming out. I vowed to get an insecticide the next morning. I've not seen it anywhere ever since but I hope it's dead and so are all its next generations and after. Why can't they extinct with the dinosaurs? Damn disgusting roaches.

Arriving Brissie

2008-01-16T11:30:00.000+10:00

The moment I left the plane. I was overwhelmed by the familiar sensation. Albeit the slight uncomfort, I know this feeling. Humid.

The country I was born in, Malaysia, has rain and shine throughout the year. Humidity was always there. I left for Australia in the begining of it's 4 year drought. I was only familiar with it's intense heat and it has been a while since I sweat for just standing there. So there I was, in my winter clothes in the middle of the Australian summer. The brightsunlight was hurting my eyes. Later, I was told that it has been gloomy and raining so much lately that the sun was a stranger. I knew it. Brisbane celebrated the arrival of his favourite resident, Me. The happiness was short lived as that was the ONLY time I saw the sun shined so brightly.

After getting off the plane and knowing well that Nad is still in her slumberland, I went home to seek for my ever-so-comfy-bed. My shoulders were screaming with the weight of the laptop and handcarry as I turned into the familar street of Brook St. I urged my feet to most on for just a few more moments.

I arrived at the front of the gate. When the gate opened, I was delightedly greeted by weeds reaching my height, cobwebs bigger than I and dead insects. I battled my way pass the front garden, carefully avoiding the menacing webs and appeared with twigs and parasitic weed sticking on my clothes, bags and hair. The cool air in the house was very inviting until I reliased the layer of dust on the floor and things. The inviting bed has to be changed and washed and the floor was to be cleaned before I could sit down and rest. Fatigue was empowering over me. I started my mental notes of what to restock in my place after I used the last piece of toilet paper. Food was in no where in sight. The living area looked like a clothes tornado hit it. My housemate's clothing were strewn all over the place. Don't ask. He's not around to be questioned anyway.

I took a nice relaxing shower and planned for a dinner with Nad before quieting the runing brain into slumber.

Greek dinner was really nice at West End with Mary. We hung out for coffee and some Loud mellow Jazz at The Forest. We then proceeded to Greystone in Southbank for some catching up.... very interesting stories of lower garments. Ahh.. I missed out.

I'm a lesbian by association. *wink*

Leaving Los Angeles

2008-01-16T11:00:00.000+10:00

Oh my, I did not realised I have not posted anything else since New Year. So here goes;

I left LA in a rush. International flights has 2 hour minimum wait before boarding. I was wayyyyyyy over. I called Qantas to make arrangement for the next flight. I was told to fork out another $490. Ka-ching. I put on my puppy dog eyes and sweet Dotty voice and tried to plea for a waive then we went into a tunnel. Cut.

The rain and traffic has caused me to arrive at the check-in at 11.05pm for a 11.55pm flight. Fortunately, I was not the only one. I flashed my best smile to the lady caring for the queu and was let in. I almost forgot to bid farwell to my family as the clock ticked. I dumped everything onto the security and then packed and walked the never ending hallway of LAX to my gate. I found it just on time. As I settled down and tried to remember if I'd forgotten anything, I realised, I won't be seeing Ryan, John and my sister for a long time... I don't even have a picture of Ryan and me... Sigh....

I watched with regret as people streamed into the airplane. The clock ticking and soon enough it was passed departure time. The speakers cracked. The pilot explained that the was a delay because the luggage belt in LAX broke. Some 160 bags was not able to be ported into the plane yet. Another half an hour later, the pilot confirmed that the bags (including mine since I was the few last) will not be able to make it and the Brissie airport will arrange for a shipment in Australia. I thanked my lucky stars that I was not on a transit or I'll probably wont see it anytime soon. I was also glad since I have no idea how am I going to drag a 40+ plus luggage home on a public transport. The last of australian cash in my wallet was not promising a cab ride.

The 14 hour flight was spent quickly. I slept most of the time but woke up more tired than before. I watched an interesting half musical of Across the Universe. The whole movie has snatches of Beatles' songs. The characters were wonderfull and complex. The dances interesting and beautifully choreographed. It was truly great movie. Makes me wonder why I'm not seen it being recommended or mentioned anywhere in USA or Australia.

And so that's my journey or leaving the cold winter LA to the hot summer Brisbane.

Expectations

2008-01-04T08:48:00.000+10:00

I almost give up blogging because of "expectation".

Then I thought, what the heck. I ain't gonna let that happen to me. I'm not going to give up something I like or want to do because of another person's expectation.

I may not be talented enough to just come out with anything in promptu, let alone pressured. But I ain't gonna let someone take away my freedom of expressing or anything else.

As bad as it may sound, I live to my own expectations.

New Year's Eve

2008-01-02T17:37:00.000+10:00

I spend the weekend over at San Francisco and came back in time for New Year's Eve. OUr first new year's eve together after.... more than a decade.

After dinner, we went to have a look at the pre-Rose Parade where flowers-only decorated floats from all over the world will travel north for several miles in Pasadena, California. People from all over the States and world will come together to watch this event. Hence, these people will travel in RVs and stayed over night, braving the cold with a camping heater and chairs to get their first class spot. The ngiht before the event, cars travelling down the street will be attacked with Marchmallows and flying tortillas with shaving cream. We got egged. My sister elt in a fresh Marshmallow when she opened the window to take video cam of them. Dad was very amused. We planned to throw back the sweet at them but think otherwise since we wehre very outnumbered by the kids armed with bags full of them.

After we got home, we started opening presents~. No, i did not get the event wrong. Since we were busy, we thought opening presents with everyone;s presence would be nice. So we went under the still-erect Xmas tree and attacked those wrapped boxes.

We proceeded with watching tele and commented on slutty singers and making fun of those performances before couting down and celebrating with a toast of champagne. I had an equavalent of half a glass of champagne before i was puffed, red and itch. My alcohol allergy is very unpredictable.... I passed out.

The best part of the day was that we were able to come together, all 3 generations to celebrate the passing of 2007 and welcome the begining of a whole new year.

Here I wish everyone a blessed and great new year.~

Raised Voices

2007-12-29T09:37:00.000+10:00

Less than 5 minutes ago, a colleague and I broke into a fight, a stupid fight. Stupid in a sense where I do not understand why he was fighting with me on behalf on someone else.

So he was pissed and thought I did not read his message properly but I was merely going by the procedures which he should have understand it better than me. It has been a very very long time since I raised my voice at someone. It felt odd... and scary at the same time. I didn't know I can sound like that. It was lucky that we weren't sitting across each other or else I'll have the angry face too. Haaa... I know I look horrible when I'm angry and always tend to avoid eye contacts. Only ever once have I raised my eyes for a full contact without saying any words. He backed off. Wonder how bad did I looked.

Lalalala. Feels good now. Wow. That was fast.

How True

2007-12-23T07:04:00.001+10:00

When religion is strong and science is weak, magic is medicine,

When religion is weak and science is strong, medicine is magic.

This was said by someone I forgot his name. Improper reference but that's not the point.

Many fails to believe in both science and medicine. Even I struggle in it. Can I call myself an atheist when I don't pray but thankful for Someone to have created the beauty of nature and evolution? Can I call myself religious when I believe(or want to) that Someone is watching and is fair and righteous but live in the life of sins.

http://www.malaysia-today.net/2008/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=106&Itemid=38

I read this and I was buggered with it. Religions are supposed to make people good. What with the 10 commandments, Riba, and Chinese believes in karma. It seems like the religious are becoming extremist while the atheists becoming more rational.

Maybe in the past, religion was created as a reason for people believe and as a guide to be better. But I reckoned one just has to live as s/he wants too. It's entirely up to you whether you want to be 'good' or 'bad'. There is no guide to be holy or saint.

So what is the difference with Atheist and Sciencetology? Beats me. To me, sciencetology is a bunch of crazy people coming together to worship... what? People who create electricity or fire or life? Who? So do they worship people who discovered them? But that doesnt make sense since they only stumbled across it. Do we worship Isaac Newton or the apple that fell on his head? If we dont worship anything why is it a religion?

A bunch of random crap in my head. The world is getting fck up. Religion or science, who will win and who will give us better smarter man.

SOLD out!

2007-12-20T07:15:00.000+10:00

God DAMMMIT. Michael Buble's 2nd and 3rd June Call Me Irresponsible Tour is sold out! It just starting selling this month. GAHHHHHHHH

I know I do not have the intention to attend it (even though I would love to). I still want to gripe about it. I was thinking about it. Now no more minute chance of changing my mind even. Bah.. Sigh.

Black Bank

2007-12-19T06:04:00.000+10:00

A mexican and a black got into a bank. Immediately, the black person went to the teller. What is he?
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If you answer robber or even thought of it, you're a racist. He's just a banker. Got ya!

Fuzzy Wuzzy

2007-12-19T04:04:00.000+10:00

Mmhmm. That is exactly what I see now. Everything is just fuzz.

Chiew has done it again by misplacing her glasses. Now, I heavily depend on contact lenses. I gave up looking for it trusting that it would turn up soon . I have a feeling "soon" is not going to be soon enough. Dang it.

On the bright and not so fuzzy side, tomorrow's the day!! Woohoo!

Why the wait

2007-12-16T06:32:00.000+10:00

I realised how impatient I can be when I've decided on one thing and I'm all set to do it. I get really irritated if I'm being held back for minute reason or no reason at all.

I'm very very very tempted to just go ahead and watch it alone like what I initially planned. Least I don't have to be waiting around. I've already predicted that I would have to wait on the day itself and maybe get locked outside. Then I would be really angry.

It's just one click away.....

It's not Shocking Anymore

2007-12-15T10:33:00.000+10:00

That's right! I no longer have to suffer from static shock everytime I approach the door and have a jabbing pain shot up my arm.

Thank god for St Goo-gle. I found that to if no humidifier is present, and besides wrapping my shoes in aluminium foil, I can use a coin to past the charge over. It actually works!

There is still static travelling from me towards the door knob but I dont feel the pain. NowI just have to remember to touch the knob with a coin before I opened the door. I'm wondering if wearing a ring would help. That way I dont have to always reach for a coin or wrap my feet in foils. Halloween is still yet to come.

I am too Attractive

2007-12-12T09:24:00.000+10:00

I can't help it. They love me!

I don't understand why I seems to be the center of attention. Everyone else is left alone cept me. Everytime I tried to opened the door or reach out for something, I had to retreat.

I hate static! It must be musing himself while targeting me all the time. I'm not sure what. It's not the clothes nor do we have carpet floor here. Still I get zapped a few times a day while others can go about minding their own business without interuption.

It's just annoying because you were always caught unaware. The shock seems to travel through the bone.

Moisturisers seems not to work as I thought. What else can I do? Ground myself without a shoe and freeze my toes off? I need Physic101.

A kid again

2007-12-11T03:13:00.000+10:00

Sis and I spent time visiting our childhood thrills. We went for roller coaster rides! Six Flags' Magic Mountain(Los Angeles) has 14 wild coasters, including the world's tallest, fastest and longest flying coaster, Tatsu. What's best is that the entrance fee was a toy of US$15 value as part of charity for the kids. The usual ticket price was $59.99.

Of course, due to time constraint and cold weather we got on about 7 rides and lots of walking since we have the genetic disorder of mapesidiotis (more commonly known as direction idiots). We ran around the theme park half guessing our direction and hoping that the sun is good enough to be our guide.

I feel like a kid once more with adrenaline rushing is my blood. We got all excited at the front of the line. With the cold weather and the rain forecasted the night before, the max wait was a little than 30 minutes. Some rides we got on without having to wait at all. Who would have guess no waiting time for great rides?!

There were rides of all kinds and every possible positions. Positions? We sat, stood, hung, lie and even almost did a 69! The last one was crap. The ride twisted, looped, plunged, raised and flew like life is all about riding (no pun intended).

Deja Vu gives the sensation of flying forwards and then backwards. It projected us backward 90 degrees and then released. We rushed forward into loops and twists only to halt onto another stop where all we see is the sky. We flew backwards and would have lost our hearts.

Riddler's Revenge is the world's tallest and fastest stand-up roller coaster. Yup, we stood all the time and have the cold wind in our face. It isn't the best ride and it lacks a bit of speed and higher plunges. But it was the first of its kind that I rode. I still prefer the good old sit down. After a while, you get tired of standing. Imgaine if you had to wait for a long time to get on this ride only to discover you still have to stand.

Superman The Escape accelerates from 0 to 100 mph(482.7 kmh) in seven seconds before shooting straight up a 41-story tower. It's really the fastest ride I've ever gotten. We spend almost half an hour wait for a half a minute ride. I was still looking at the buckles when we got shot forward and up to see plastic superman waiving before falling backwards. It is the same with Dreamworld's Tower of Terror (Gold Coast, Australia). But for some reason, i prefered the one back in the land of sun and beaches. Funny how California has the same theme with Queensland. But you don't see a mechanical Superman in bright undie anywhere but here. I find it amusing when the door closes, all you see is his logo and his underwear. It's really his trademark.

Tatsu was the best ride I've get gotten on in my life! It's the tallest, fastest and longest flying coaster on Earth. Said so on the website. I like it because I don't have to stand and it's one of a kind!First, they let us sit in these brightly coloured seats.

Then they pull us back and hung us like this:

We rode all the way like that looking at the tiny ant-like humans below us, the sky above us and blurs when we flew around like in the grasps of the dragon's claws.

That little speck of green is not dirt on your monior but me ok? I looked like a midget infront of Goliath. Goliath climbs 255 feet (77.72 m), then race down at 85 mph on one of the fastest coasters around the world. The last ride and we rode this in the dark. When we were going down that hill.... it was like falling into the abyss.

Other rides were Revolution, the first looping coaster ever built and Batman The Ride involves lots of loops and speed. There was this ride which I've forgotten the name were we stood in a ring and they spin us around and tip us to the side while we spin.

We missed X, Viper and Freefall due to maintenance. We missed Scream(floorless train) and Colossus (giant dual track wooden coaster) because it was closing.

It was all great fun though there were more rides than mentioned here. But I was only looking forward to the big exciting rides rides only.

I reckoned I'm old since in almost every ride I came out light headed and couldn't walk in a straight line. My body can take it anymore... gone were those days where I hopped in and out of rides.

Warm Winter

2007-12-09T02:51:00.000+10:00

We got home with the smell of food and burning firewood.

We walked right passed the kitchen and greeted Ryan who's very facinated with the dancing fire. As Lin and I fussed over him, the rest has began the feast without us realising. Took us a while to point out there were already eating, but in the kitchen.

Since we don't have an external stove, we gathred around the kitchen for a makeshift steamboat.

Fire and Lost

2007-12-08T02:56:00.000+10:00

Tempting.
I've never thought
that I would have them mutual.
So, I've lost.

I drew the line.
But it pushed me closer
towards the other side.

I stood firm
but wavered as I listened.
I collapsed
but held tightly by unseeing claws.

I watched as it drifts.
I'm sorry: I could not give it a chance.

Anticipation no more

2007-12-05T03:09:00.000+10:00

I carried Ryan out of the vehicle. There was this nostalgic feeling in me as I approached the door of the garage, knowing well that my Pa is just there. I was not afraid, sad nor excited. I felt.... buzzing. Overwhelmed maybe. With the light behind him, his newly shaven head and shruken body, I had this feeling of gladness and overwhelming recognition. Like lossing something important and then finding it back a few years later. It brings back all the memory and feelings of before. But this is different. This is Pa. It's multiplication in millions.

We were ushered in from the cold. Pa has his first look on Ryan. The awkwardness was there, just as I was when I first arrived. He wasn't too sure what to do with Ryan but Pa soon enought warmed up with this amirable baby.

I looked at Pa with brimming tears. He looks healthy. So much for all the silly worries I had before. He'd lost a lot of weight, and is bony shoulders protuded. Heck, he even said my tummy is bigger than his. I kept myself busy running around getting things. Tears were threatening to fall and I had a slight difficulty in breathing. Damn, hormones: I had nothing to blame. His familar smell of tobacco, soft skin and the feel of him when I hugged him was all a bit too much.

After dinner he followed me out to retrived something from the vehicle. He's still got his addiction to smoking but it's a lot less now compared to long ago. We chatted like old times. On the way back into the house, I gave him a hug and said "I've miss you". He put his arm around me and said, "Ngo yew or sii (I need to poo)". I complained about that and he's looked at me with pain and said, "I really need to poo". Bah, go. As I followed him back in, I was glad he's here. So very glad.

With his three daughters around him and a grandson sitting on his lap, I think he was overwhelmed too. Alas, we are once again together. All of us are here after so long. Now there're John and Ryan with us too.

Dada

2007-12-03T17:10:00.000+10:00

I'm super excited! Pa is arriving tomorrow! Omg omg omg omg. It's been so long. 2 f*cking years! OMg omg omg omg!

Coffee Freak II

2007-12-01T07:30:00.000+10:00

I gave it another try. Long back, known as Caffe Americano here. My review: It's pretty watered down. The ration of coffee and water is not is proportion. The huge cup says so too.

As I sipped this coffee flavoured water, a thought came to mind. Since I was too used to stronger beans from italian LavAzza, Australian Vittoria, Grinders, Connoisseurs and many more names I can spell. Then again, my limited experience with Aussie Starbucks too have stronger and better taste.

Note to self: bring own plunger and coffee in the next visit.

Tis' the season to detox.

How do I Know I am a Coffee Freak

2007-11-29T03:55:00.000+10:00

It was a cold cold morning and I still had sleep in my eyes. What more thana cup of coffee to take that fuzziness away? So I asked a colleague of mine to bring back one since's he'd be at Starbucks. I requested an old time Flat White with Soy which I always always simply call it Soy Flat White. He stared at me blankly like I just spoke an alien word. "Just tell them that, they would know," trusting the instinct of coffee makers. Oooooo, my coffee craving~~~

He came back empty handed and told me the closest they had was a White Chocolate Mocha, a far far cry from my Flat White. I was absolutely confused. I checked online and true enough American Starbucks do not serve Flatwhite or true Macchiato(espresso with a dollop of milk froth) or affogato(espresson with ice cream) or doppio. It's a freaking flat white!!! How basic can you get with white coffee! It's easier to make than a Latte! Shame Sham Shame. How can you call yourself a coffee place when you don't have the all 5 basic coffees (espresso, flat white, latte, cappucino, mocha- lined from the most basic). Fine, they have 4 out of 5. But they don't have my Flat WHITE!

I looked at what they offered for hot coffee: Caramel Macchiato, Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Sugar-Free Syrup(?????), Eggnog Latte(!!!!), Dulce de Leche Latte (what the?), Pumpkin Spice Latte (ewww).... and everything that just doesn't show like coffee anymore. While hot beverages comes in coffee or tea only, the cold coffess comes in 3 categories of Iced Coffee, Frappucino Blended Coffee and Light Frappucino Blended. So americans like the coffee either sweet or cold and sweet. Hence, they do not appreciate coffee.

*sips Soy Latte bought by my sister*
*splutters*

Yup. That confirms it. They used sweetened soy milk. They don't even know how to make good coffee. I honestly do not taste the coffee in it. Hell, no coffee for me.

I know this is a biased post as I've only had ONE coffee (almost 2) in the States. But I'm cranky because I can't get my coffee. I almost had 2 coffees because at touch down, I tried to order a soy coffee but the simple shop doesnt have soy milk with them. -_- Conclusion: Australians really like their coffees.

My coffee taste weird.

Happy ThanksGiving!

2007-11-23T14:37:00.000+10:00

Chiew rolled herself towards the laptop but shot passed it as her inertia pushed her passed her target. Slowly and carefully she rolled back to the front of her laptop and pulled it down onto herself. Boing boing boing. The laptop bounced softly on her newly streched tummy. She lowered the laptop to between her boobs so she could type. And there she began blogging about the American ThanksGiving.

I woke up with the my ass in the sun. It's an asian figure of speech that means I woke up really late, in the noon when the sun is high in the sky. Seems like any other day but somehow different. I heard a lot of commotion downstairs and vaguely remembered we have a big day planned. I changed and braved the world with my morning breath.

There were people people people! Then food food food!! I took a peep at the 21 pound turket thats bigger than my ass (oh my!) and the 8 pound ham thats seems smarter than my head! People were cooking and washing and marinating. I just stood there salivating and salivate more.

I spent most of the day helping to put up the christmas tree with gold theme. You;d have to wait for Christmas to see the pic. It was finally finished with bows and ornaments and lights up pretty, just in time for dinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TURKEY, HAM, Salads, potatoes, cornbreads, fruits, cakes, pumpkin pie and peach pie. SOOOO MUUUCCCHHH foood! There were 10 adults and a child with 2 babies. and we could hardly finish half of the turkey and ham. Everything was going so fast that none of us took pictures. Mmm..

But hey, here're some eye teasers
That's Ryan!!! He's 2 months old now! Be jealous. Just be jealous. Wahaha.

Yee Yee (Aunt)

2007-11-21T11:10:00.001+10:00

I stared at him dumbfounded. There he is kicking and punching the air. He looks so fragile and so very handsome with drool dripping down his chin. He made funny but intelligent high pitched noise from somewhere in him. Then he smiled! I instantly turned into a puddle.

Instinctively I poked at him. To explain, I know nuts about babies and do not know how to take care of one nor behave around one. I lightly poked at Ryan to test he's solid. Just in case, that light touch hurts him. I was nervous. My hands were very cold. So I patted him lightly on the head with the back of my hand. Then I was intrigued with his round tummy and poked there too. I was sick when I arrived, so we have a distance between me and Ryan. And I watched him. Comfortable watched him for 2 full days.

Late one night, Ryan's father placed him on me as he figured something out of the camera. I was surprised and panicked at this little dude between my hands. Thoughts rushing into my head. I was wondering if he was comfortable or in pain or maybe he doesnt like the way i smell or i looked scary. Ryan stared at my sister while bobbing his head up and down, occasionally bobbing into me. I stared and stared and stared and for the life of me do not know what he wants. Speak! Bob bob bob. I tried to make him comfortable by placing my hands on his bottoms for a make shift stool. Bob bob bob. Lean him into my chest so he's even more comfortable (if Chubbie likes it there maybe he does?). Bob bob bob. Invisible confetti rained when my sister (noticing my blank expression while staring at Ryan) reach over and take him in.

"Why does he move so much?"
"He's hungry"
"Oh"

Ryan's smirk seems to say "Stupid yee yee".

The Feeling of Family

2007-11-19T19:51:00.001+10:00

I'm still somewhat jetlagging, but a whole lot better than before. I left Brissie in a hurry with this mass check-in's causing 2 hours of waiting in line. The very night before, I came down with a cold that was triggered by an allergy. With barely 5 hours of sleep the two nights before, I forced myself to stay up and pack. This also explains my lack of sensible clothings and a few missing things in my luggage. Then I discovered it was also the time of the month....

I woke up with a heavy head and a raspy voice, for more last minute packing. I readily popped pills dispite my believe in not relyin on them to get better. As I trudge along with the Americans in the airport, I was super glad I had them. But the pills did not relieve the cramps.

13 hours later, once again I have arrived LA but this time I was greeted by the cold. I feel horrible with the pain, throbbing, breathlessness, cold and there was this ringing in my ear ever since I landed......

Then I see the familiar faces and the new face of Ryan..... took me a while to get used to Cantonese again (still trying to)... took me a while to recognise the warm fuzzy feeling...

America, Here I Come

2007-11-18T07:41:00.000+10:00

In about 4 hours, I shall be lifting off to LA.

And I'm horribly horribly sick... stupid allergy